...but not right now.
Oh no. It'll take about two years to do it. Faster, if you try to start a business.
"Where good little businesses come to die!" is the motto boldly displayed on the Chamber of Commerce's seal of this 440 year old town. There's a heavyweight developer making huge noises about turning this idyllic village into a "world class" resort. *snort!*
My little town sez, "bring. it."
(Before this starts to sound like some John Cougar song, let me assure you that Mellencamp has never been here. If he had, you'd have never heard of him.)
This little town sits on the banks of an inlet with an exotic name that translates into English as, "slaughter." Charming, that.
So, you see Mr. Developer, you and your corporate dream of hosting the rich and famous of this world in some fancy resort can jolly well get bent. Because my little town will bend you to its will and make you cry like an amateur contestant on The Apprentice. It's garrotted better pirates than you. It displays garrottes as a matter of pride. The whole town will turn out to turn your neck into jelly.
This place is uniquely qualified as the Perfect Storm of Slack. It has all the right non-moves: It's been here longest, suffered plagues, pyromania, plunder and politicians (I repeat myself) and has summarily dispatched every plan to make itself into something. Its denizens quickly learn to quash the onerous burden of Hope, and renounce Efficiency and Diligence as the bewitching handmaids of Satan.
Smug, satisfied, and subjugated to the local families whose names dot the history books, my little town has deified Slack as the One Truth, and confirms this nightly with a communion of rum and re-tellings of past glory. Non-believers are disposed of in the bay, fast-trackers are tolerated only long enough to bleed them of their money and dreams of a better life. They slink away back North to play golf and pretend it didn't hurt them, or it didn't happen.
No wonder this place is the Honeymoon capital of the South. It's good preparation for a long and happy life: kill ambition, do as your told, have a drink.
Aug 4, 2007
...but not right now.