Sep 5, 2007

Censored! By My Own Body!

I put in another half-day at work, but I'm still fending off this flu. When you work in a tourist town, you get first crack at whatever new bird-cow-pig-world-flu is going around. I haven't been this sick since I flew back from London with a plane full of holiday-ers and their sick, wailing, bratty children. So many kids on a Virgin flight! Anyway...

I lost my voice. To the delight of so many, I might add.

A croak, a squeek, or high-pitched yodeling attempt at communication only brings about so much tut-tutting and the conversation lapses into office talk about the tourist diseases we are so prone to. We keep big bottles of hand sanitizer nearby at all times, but everything we touch has been touched by thousands of folks from the hinterlands of Dog Breath, Slobovia, or some such.

If you folks just knew how virulent the childhood diseases are in other countries, you'd plotz. We let in especially healthy strains of the MMR's with almost every border crossing. Yeah," if it doesn't kill us, yada, yada, yada." But the mumps can do some serious shit on a grown man and make him wish he was dead. Oh, you've been vaccinated? How nice. I bet your vaccine doesn't speak Spanish.

Heh. I can't talk, but I can still type, you sorry bastards. Get back to work!

(Sorry! Didn't mean to cuss. I've been absorbing Freighter Captain, so it just kinda has that influence.)

19 comments:

Erica said...

Maybe it's just me, but I think that when people lose their voice, it makes them sound sexy. Two years ago, after a night of sniffing, snifting and smoking [those days are semi-over], I lost my voice for nearly two weeks, and there was nothing sexy about that, since any sound -- hoarse or otherwise -- was unable to emanate from my voicebox.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Oh yeah, I'm dead-sexy then. Lauren Bacall has nothing on me.

Luckily, I know how to whistle.

Erica said...

Oooooh, baby...so do I. Just put your lips together, and....

...nevermind.

imp said...

WHAT?!?!.......Erica said nevermind???...ok then, I'll say it...just blow baby, blow!

Love your digs, Joan! Thanks for having me. ;-)

Joan of Argghh! said...

Thanks, imp, for your kind words.
:)

The Jolly Roger thinks the girl commenters here are kinda cute and wasn't sure if Erica was coming on to me or something, but he was all for it.

I kicked him in the shins.

.

GUYK said...

Hmmm, Erica, I growl most of the time because I can't talk because of my throat..does that mean I'm sexy?

Those of us who spent the years in the military and had to have the 'shots' for world wide deployment know well what is going on in the sXXX holes of the world where people defecate upstream from where the downstream village gets there water.

But then if you think about it if it wasn't for diseases these places would be in a famine situation most of the time sure 'nuff. Maybe it is just nature taking care of itself and not letting the niche get overcrowded..damn that is cold hearted...

Erica said...

No. I wasn't coming on to you. But don't be sad. You do have nice groodies. I much prefer whistling, thankyouverymuch.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Groodies? LOL!!

Girl, you're insane!

Stick around, please.
:o)

Joan of Argghh! said...

GuyK, welcome!

Growling is a perfectly acceptable communication skill for a guy... or a school bus driver.

Erica said...

Oh, Guy.....hey! Yes, you and your three teefs are definitely sexy, papacita, but I know youse is taken, Grandpa Blowneye.

So, Joanie.....lookie what I found on your disclaimer: "...I hate it when lawyers read my blog."

They all suck, don't they? Especially the one[s] who read[s] your blog.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Well, I know of maybe, two.

'mouse seems to be one, but he's really cool.

Max probably has web-bots out trolling for all things Hardberger.

Acutally, I just don't want lawyers to, y'know, take too keen an interest. But then, the Proverbs say, "the poor man has no ransom on his life," so really, why should I care?

GUYK said...

I don't know that all lawyers suck but most of them do blow a lot..

Kim said...

HaCK COughh sNIFfburBBLe

Do not come any closer thank you very much.

Axtually I hope you recover fastly. Being sick sucks. But at least you get to read a FUN BOOK.

Peggy U said...

It's ok to cuss, I think. I accidentally yelled a profanity at the doctor's office the other day. I had whacked my knee, so he was poking at it and hit a spot I didn't expect to hurt. It caught me by surprise, and my mouth went off. Made him sit up and stare a bit. I would have thought he'd be used to it. I can't be the only one who has ever reacted like that.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Kim, not only is it enormous fun, but I get to talk to the author. He's still alive.

I read a quote about Kerouac yesterday, something to the effect of, "that's not writing, that's typing."

Kim said...

Et tu Truman?

Kim said...

Ooh. I need to get Freighter Captain. Just an aside.

Joan of Argghh! said...

I'll repost the link to Blue Water Books tomorrow, where you can buy a copy for about 10 bucks. You sure can't buy them anywhere else like Amazon or Ebay for less than about $80.

imp said...

Is there a problem swearing at no nothing docs?...Who knew?