Nov 15, 2007

From the Land that Gave Us AbbA...

Do they just live such a sheltered life in Sweden that everyone from there is congenitally convinced of their superiority--like a junior-high football captain in a small school from a small town? Because, the Swedes here are total goobers.

Having them on an association committee is like being asked to allow some "special olympians" into your particular game of hard-ball. Their English is poor, but they won't admit it. They don't understand half of the conversations, so they just keep insisting that their version of things is the better idea, or wait for someone to say something intelligent and then they jump in and repeat it as though they thought of it. Or maybe they're just practicing their English. Either way, they can't even fake a good, "ya'll" in their condescending written advertising for their business, instead opting for "you all" in quotes. And that is the least offensive of their typos. If you tell them there is a mistake, they stare at you unblinking and unresponsive. It's too precious. And the typos remain! Because the Swedes are convinced that they are superior! Assimilate, small-town hicks!

Folks, it takes quite a bit of a stretch to make my homies look like freakin' Einsteins.

The Swedes here knit their advertising out of reindeer sheddings and Publisher pre-sets and fill them with every picture and hokey clip-art they can pirate off the internet. And then they put this forth as a superior product to compete with a professionally produced brochure that has a theme, scheme, and message.

It would be cute and laughable if they weren't so serious, and closed to any real input. They plan to take over my little town, so they show up everywhere and insist they can do things better, and save us a ton of money if we'd let them design things, set prices for our business,dictate policy, and sell our products and act as agents and go-betweens--all the while insisting that they alone would be offered everyone's best rate. Because, you see, they have a website that is going to Rock Our World.

But the pitiful things they are so proud of would get them laughed out of any real city--hell, out of any real junior high school. There are kids in elementary school here that can design a better interactive website than the Swedish Contingency.

It must be that the Swedish lifestyle--plush and soft and cushy--never affords any sharp edges for their intellect and creativity to push against. Weeks and weeks of vacation, very little competition, bone-chilling cold, and mind-numbing music make for some very stunted cultural growth. However, they have millions of dollars, so they're never going to ask, learn or observe. They have come to conquer.

I've lived in another country where possibly I could have considered my learning and intelligence to be far superior to my host country's denizens. Fortunately, I was smart enough to know how much I didn't understand and how much there was to learn. But then, my object wasn't to conquer.

You know, if the peacenik Swedes are this determined to conquer, the worst that can happen to our country is that men may start wearing hot pants again. Other cultures, more determined and even more backward, just may insist on even more frightening cultural changes.

Just sayin'...

14 comments:

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Abba? Ahhh! Make it stop! For the love of God...make it stop!

Van said...

Lol.
Assimilate or simulate asses?

Next time they give you the stare, ya might try something like this... make up a super syllable word - keep using it until they finally ask what it means, then look at them like they are who they are and coondescendingly explain what it means.

Should be good for a few snickers as they repeat their new word to the natives.

Joan of Argghh! said...

You Raccoons sure do blog early in the morning for a Friday!

Good to see you, Van and Ben.
:)

Elisson said...

Good Gawd, what are they trying to do? Build an IKEA?

Just what we need! More FUKNSTÖFF.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Bwahahaha!! An IKEA would be an improvement, trust me.

I just got more marketing material from them, touting their website as, "So Easy a Child Could Do It!"

And it looks like a child did.

I am SO tempted to throw out a link.

:o)

Robin Starfish said...

Oh please do!

I'm sure lutefisk has something to do with it. Anyone who includes lye as a food source is short bus material right off.

Mizz E said...

Link already!

Joan of Argghh! said...

Lordy, I can't link it, cuz it'll get back to me and that would be VERY BAD. I do have a backup website that might just be removed enough to keep me separated from the deed.
:o)

Kim said...

Just tell them you'll slap a big ol' lutefisk on'em with dried-out lefse, smothered in rumegrot, courtesy of a half-Norwegian cyberfriend of yours.
Dicks.

Anonymous said...

.... y'all have no freaking idea how much ABBA is part of my daily life here......

.... fucking Swedes.... I swear, y'all have no idea....

Joan of Argghh! said...

Eric, what are Swedes doing in Tennessee?

Mark said...

"the worst that can happen to our country is that men may start wearing hot pants again"

Um, when did this happen in the first placed???

Joan of Argghh! said...

Google is your friend, but here's a link from a previous post. Careful, it's worse than you think. It's a mini-skirt.

Mark said...

Oh, I've seen that! Hideous! BTW, you need to remove the colon at the end of the URL of that Lileks page. Udderwise, it don't work.

Damned glad it wasn't a guy in hot pants or I would have had to put my eyeballs out.