Jan 26, 2008

Flipper Most Foul


Or, to quote my fav news reporter, Don Surber, "Flipper Joins the Sopranos."

In his pithy observation of the Telegraph's article about the dolphin's murderous malevolence studied by the Scottish Association for Marine Science, Surber cynically and correctly points to alarming default for every unexpected act of nature:


I am amused that when something inexplicably bad happens, the first people blamed are the oil industry and the American military.


Still, the Telegraph's article has disturbing video evidence of the law of Fang and Claw. Nature isn't naturally nice. How many more dead Grizzly-bear-huggers have to prove that?

I have witnessed one of these so-called dolphin "murders" here at the inlet. I only realize now what I was witnessing, for I thought the porpoises were playing with their food, but it was too big for a dolphin's dinner. It seemed to be about two and half feet long, flying through the air, end over end. Over and over. How grisly to look back on that delightful moment and consider it anew!

I'm not sure how I feel about labeling it, "murder," however. Other animals have exhibited this behavior and it is always shocking to those who insist on anthropomorphizing observed behavior that seems to mirror human behavior. I can barely watch nature shows that have emotional commentary ...like the meerkat shows. All sorts of pathos and delight apparently runs through the mind of the little rodent, as harried as a soccer mom.

Heck, just look at the man you live with, ladies. Would you narrate his daily routine with as much mental chatter as these nature shows? Hell no! "Food. Food! ....SEX! ...Beer! ...Food! Sex!... Beer!... poo... fart... Beer!" That's about it. Try taking away his toys, and you get, murder.

I don't know exactly what the dolphins are doing--if it's murder--but until they can brew beer, they probably should be held accountable for their actions.


12 comments:

lizardbrain said...

(Foo. Your blogging system doesn't allow blockquote tags.)

Heck, just look at the man you live with, ladies. Would you narrate his daily routine with as much mental chatter as these nature shows? Hell no! "Food. Food! ....SEX! ...Beer!...Food! Sex!...Beer!...poo...fart...Beer!" That's about it. Try taking away his toys, and you get, murder.

Sounds like you've been paying attention. Now if only I could convince my daughter and granddaughters that I really am that simple. Not easy. But simple.

lizardbrain said...

Okay, I lied. I'm easy, too.

All they have to do is put their arms around my neck and murmur sweet things, and they get anything they want.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Aw....lookit you being all cute and wuggly, Lizard!

:o)

That 1 Guy said...

Shocking film of dolphins repeatedly tossing porpoises in the air and pursuing them to the death has left animal experts baffled as to the motive.
"It's not the little young ones, and it's not the fully grown adults. It's the guys in between."

Duh... they're dolphin teens. Smart mouth little punks got what they deserved.

julie said...

Dolphins aren't all sweetness and light. They're animals, just like any other animals. Nobody thinks it's weird when lions kill other lions, or when wolf packs turn on and kill the weakest wolf. I think a lot of people have managed to convince themselves that whales and dolphins are really just hippies with flippers.

Peggy U said...

Hippies with flippers? LOL!!! However, does that mean that by buying dolphin-friendly tuna, we are enabling these murderers?

Joan of Argghh! said...

LOL at Hippie Flippers!! And Peggy, you bring up an important point here. Aiding and abetting...hmmmm.

T1G, no matter how disagreeable, we're not allowed to strangle punk teens just because they're mouthing off. We're only allowed to imagine it, a la, Homer Simpson and Bart. But, y'know, you could make an arrangement with a petulant pod of dolphins and invite the smart-ass kid to go surfing. Just a thought.

Velociman said...

They're not dolphins. They're susansmiths. Sans prescription eyewear.

GLASR said...

I understand that dolphins gang rape also. I wonder how many murderous rapists the tuna industry handed down life sentences for - as opposed to executing them, cruel and unusually? Ah yes, the revolving door criminal justice system. :~/

Skully said...

Damn! Joan figgered out what men think of. The gig's up.
Well, ladies...just thank God you got real men.
Don't try to imagine what those metroexuals think of.
Not even goin' to go there.

"Hippy's with flippers!" That's a classic, Julie! LOL!

GUYK said...

You reckon maybe it was just that those grown porpoises didn't want them little ones to grow up and vote for Obama or Clinton?

joated said...

"...until they can brew beer, they probably should be held accountable for their actions."

Does this mean if you can brew beer you're NOT accountable? Sounds good to me!