Nov 29, 2008

Post Bloat Gloat

It's not like any blogger worth their free wi-fi piracy can actually write anything profound while in the throes of tryptophan poisoning. The bloating belly gives way to the boasting remembrances. I say we have a meme-go-round every Thanksgiving. One big enough to last through Christmas. Any list with a 100 things to tend to is just right.

In case you've been under a rock the last week or so, the idea is to post the list and bold the items you've actually done. I don't know if there's more rules, so nobody's gonna care if I break 'em, right?

1. Started your own blog
. Paging Mr. Duh.

2. Slept under the stars
. Um... is there any place where you don't?

3. Played in a band
. Did that just today.

4. Visited Hawaii. -No, and I spelled Hawaii the correct way, without all the aboriginal accent crap.

5. Watched a meteor shower. Drove way outta town, threw the top back on the Miata and cranked up the heater. I could hear some of them sizzle across the sky.

6. Given more than you can afford to charity
. For too many years.

7. Been to Disney World more times than I can count.

8. Climbed a mountain - Popocateptl in Mexico.

9. Held a praying mantis
 when I was a little girl.

10. Sang a solo
 so low you couldn't hear it. No, actually, too many times to count.

11. Bungee jumped - I've never felt that shared terror is a strong enough relationship-builder. Having kids is much more terrifying, anyway.

12. Visited Paris.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. Does outrunning a waterspout while in a 14' wooden skiff 2 miles from shore count? There must've been lighting but I coulda been preoccupied.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. 
Guitar, piano, sculpting, painting, blahblahblah.

15. Adopted a child
. Having an adopted dog should count here, right?

16. Had food poisoning
. Shellfish, actually. Very bad.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
. The Washington Monument serves this purpose as far as one's knees are concerned.

18. Grown your own vegetables
. It' Florida. It's What We Do.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

. Bucket list item.

21. Had a pillow fight
. Not all that.

22. Hitchhiked.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. It's called a "mental health day."

24. Built a snow fort
. Snow? What's that?

25. Held a lamb.

26. Gone skinny dipping
. More than once.

27. Run a marathon
. Get this damn item off this list!

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
 - A trajinera ride amidst the chinampas in the canals of Xochimilco is much more romantic.

29. Seen a total eclipse. Safely.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
. On the same day. Easy in Florida.

31. Hit a home run. yeah, baby!

32. Been on a cruise
. Southern Caribbean. Couldn't stop in Venezuela. Too dangerous.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
 Germany/Austria is a bit far, and who wants to go to

35. Seen an Amish community
. Lived in a commune, and belonged to a veggie co-op. That's not the same thing , I guess.

36. Taught yourself a new language: Spanish. Fluent.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
. Oh please. Not even Bill Gates would bold that.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
. I saw plenty of leaning buildings in the Zocalo of Mexico City.

39. Gone rock climbing
. Why aggravate me or the rocks?

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

: Does placing a ten-ton exact marble replica, and helping to scrub his naked ass count?

41. Sung karaoke

. I have, and I'd do it again, but I lack a posse of encouragers.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
. Oh... must everything seem to be a euphemism?

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
. And I like paying the toll for the car behind me and speeding away from them.

44. Visited Africa. Bucket list.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
. It's Florida...

46. Been transported in an ambulance
. Sat in one for a few minutes after an accident.

47. Had your portrait painted: I did it myself.

48. Gone deep sea fishing
. I love it. Every time.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
. Bucket list.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris


51. Gone SCUBA diving. Nope. Of all the things God has given me some sort of control over, breathing is my favorite.

52. Kissed in the rain
. Mmmmm....

53. Played in the mud
. Mmmmmm....

54. Gone to a drive-in theater
. When we were little, the local drive-in had a playground way down in front for the kidlets. We'd go in our jammies!

56. Visited the Great Wall of China
. I'd love to see Mongolia, actually.

57. Started a business
. Art studio/gallery.

58. Taken a martial arts class. No, but I can do a very mean wet-towel snap, so back off. I've drawn blood with such, before. 

59. Visited Russia. I've known a few guys in a hurry, however. 

60. Served at a soup kitchen
. And taken Thanksgiving baskets around to poor families in our neighborhood. My dad did it every year and took me along to help. You really must find a way to expose your children to true need, and not leave it to the government's poor judgment.

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies. 
Two words: Thin Mints.

62. Gone whale watching
. Not on porpoise, but I have seen them offshore.

63. Got flowers for no reason
 which is, of course, the best reason.

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
. All my work is in vein.

65. Gone sky diving

 - see Bunjee Jumping.

66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp

67. Bounced a check
. Economic bungee jumping!

68. Flown in a helicopter. Saw my house from above. Cool.

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
. Huh. Never occurred to me.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial. Sad, happy, beautiful.

71. Eaten caviar
. My first introduction to the absurdities of the epicurious.

72. Pieced a quilt
. Uh... patched my jeans. A lot.

73. Stood in Times Square
 NO. But I've been serenaded by young Mariachis at my window in the middle of the night. Twice. So there, New York.

74. Toured the Everglades
. Did I mention I live in Florida? The whole place is like that.

75. Been fired from a job
. I have fired a few bosses, however.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
 - but I did see Buckingham Palace.

77. Broken a bone
: caught a finger in a printing press. Crushed the tendons around the knuckle.
Still can't bend my finger all the way.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
: I was driving. I jumped it on a tall ramp, too. Youth...

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
: bucket list item.

80. Published a book

. Lordy Morty, 642 posts in a little over a year. You'd think I could manage a story of some sort.

81. Visited the Vatican. If they'd just put their library online, I'd be content.

82. Bought a brand new car
: never been that foolish with my money.

83. Walked in Jerusalem
. Bucket list.

84. Had your picture in the newspaper: with my panties showing! It was a big deal when the father of eight returned from 9 months of duty in Rota, Spain. I was maybe four years old. I wonder where that picture is?

85. Read the entire Bible… English and Spanish

86. Visited the White House. Too young to remember.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
 and eaten it.

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life. No, but I'm certified in CPR so please don't make me have to use it.

90. Sat on a jury
… Seated, but the trial was dismissed. I need to write that story.

91. Met someone famous. Oh wait. He was an impersonator.

92. Joined a book club
. Mom sponsored me.

93. Lost a loved one
. My dear Book Club sponsor...

94. Had a baby: Ouch.

95. Seen the Alamo in person
: from the outside, anyway.

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. Salt Springs is much smaller and close by.

97. Been involved in a law suit
. Not yet...

98. Owned a cell phone. Another damn thing to take out of this list.

99. Been stung by a bee. And killed that sumbitch.

100. Read an entire book in one day. Clancy! Every time.

Oh. And I've killed a rattlesnake with a shovel. It's not on the list, but I like saying it.


PeggyU said...

51. Gone SCUBA diving. Nope. Of all the things God has given me some sort of control over, breathing is my favorite.

Couldn't agree with you more! Any activity where you have to bring bottled air is off of my list!

folly said...

Wow, I've done a very large number of those. I'll have to steal the list and post it.

pamibe said...

Oh, c'mon Joan. We've all killed a rattlesnake with a shovel. Geez.


You have done much, Yoda. I must learn your ways through your blog.

Or sober up. Whichever comes first.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Well, I'm only at 51% of the list, Pam! I can't count the "met someone famous" thing.


Jean said...

Do you still have the portrait?
Would you post it?

Anonymous said...

.... you, Joan, are hardcore..... good for you!....

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

And I like paying the toll for the car behind me and speeding away from them.

I ate toll house cookies before.