Dec 3, 2008

Posts I May or May Not Write

Separation of Church and State:

I KNOW it's not technically in the Constitution, but does anyone with a brain think that even matters anymore? It's another point the Left has won, and the smart move would be for Christians to use it as a weapon to fight back on Gay Marriage. Get the State out of the Sacraments of the Church, unless you want the tax collector giving Last Rites at your deathbed. ("Pay Up. Amen.") Public schools are already providing Confirmation and Baptism into the tenets of the Left, and Greenpeace and Algore are presiding over Holy Orders into the priesthood of Gaia. But seriously, the only reason we're not seeing a sensible solution to this is because of the political footing to be gained on both sides by being unreasonable.

How hard is this? Civil partnerships from the State and Marriage from the Church. Do the civil one for tax, insurance, and benefit purposes. Do the other from the dictates of your conscience in the eyes of your chosen Faith. Do one, both or neither and I could care less. If your chosen faith doesn't extend the sacrament of Marriage to you, sounds like it's your own problem, but it's the end of the argument. Marriage is none of the State's business. The Church instituted the rite and the word, and the State can get bent. People, even Mexico got this one right. C'mon.

P.S. note of caution to Jack Black: Maybe fat people voted for Prop 8, too. Can't be too careful with satire these days.

Obama's Long View: Anyone making small gurgling noises of measured approval for some of Obama's temporary Cabinet appointments is in for a rude surprise in about 5 years. The man is planning for a long haul and will fight his ideological battles in small increments. No need to spook the Right into action so soon; better to lull them back into complacency and give them reasons to doubt Sarah Palin's intelligence. No need to jerk the wheel to the Left while the bus is cruising on autopilot as you learn the finer points of gear-shifting. Bill Ayers learned quite young that direct opposition would not win his objectives, and after 35+ years he is seeing the fruits of his patience. Obama hasn't got Ayers' patience, but he is a man who understands the need for a long range planning.

Speaking of the Long View: please don't be offended, (and you will be anyway, but it's a serious question, not meant to belittle but make one think), but those of you planning on not having children for some sort of intellectual or financial reason, I have a question. Who is going to be taking care of you in your dotage? These girls? There is not enough money in the world to make someone love you and care about you when you're at your most socially helpless state. Just wait until your friendly government employees are charged with your well-being. There will be a health crisis in elder-care and we'll have a government push for euthanasia for all the unwanted elderly in nursing homes. Then, who next? [Caveat: I have no problem with anyone's personal choice in this area. None. They are not "second class citizens in my mind or thoughts. It's just the newer cultural agenda to make childlessness an elitist and "intellectual" choice that makes me question its short-sightedness. It's the ultimate non-sequitur.]

Emotional Flashers: This mostly applies to women who write for the NYT, women bloggers, and the Emo-kid male bloggers. The occasional glimpse into personal life or tragedy is fine. The mundane glories of day-to-day life. Fine. But if you're going to open that trenchcoat and challenge the world to accept you in all your dysfunctional glory, um... no, please. Personal drama, too many details, outrageous family conflict and bodily functions gone awry mean it's time to set your blogspot account to: by invitation only. I know, I know, our blog buddies become our friends and we tell our friends everything. Yes, I have total sympathy for my blog buddies and their issues, as I hope they do for mine. But there are some out there who are just doing it because they desperately want someone to tell them that furries are people, too.

I actually get complaints that folks can't piece together my life and relationships based on my blog posts. That I've shared as much as I have skeeves me out. I try to fiercely protect the privacy of my life, and find other interesting things to share. That's the writing challenge I face because Prince of Tides has nothing on my childhood experience and you've all read it or seen the movie by now. Why try to top Pat Conroy in my blog?

I am so going to catch all kinds of shit for saying this out loud. Bring it. "But I was helped to know that I wasn't alone!" Yeah, I'll grant you that, but this is 2008 and there should be some sort of Internet filter process where you can set your blog to, "yes, I want others to discover that they are not the only ones who were laughed at in school because of excessive sweating, and everyone else can just bugger off." Or at least set one's feed reader to filter out any blog posts containing words like, menstrual, bloating, prostate, piles, pus, acne, or Michelle Obama.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THIS IS THAT YOU MUST MAKE IT HILARIOUSLY FUNNY. Like Christopher Titus funny. And even that is almost more than one can bear.

My first web blog experience was waaayyy back in 2000, having read about them as "new" and clicked on a supplied link to a gay priest's ponderings about whatever drama he was experiencing. It was truly exotic to the point of emotional voyeurism and I was drawn in and then repelled by the vicious responses to his posts. I learned very early that if you must share, make sure only your friends see it. Facebook was invented for this sort of thing, honest.

Saying that, if you see someone has slipped the surly bonds of sanity and has reached out to the vast Unknown Masses by way of blogging about their incestuous uncle or impotent husband or that time spent in jail, please, be a dear, and turn away quickly, or offer the phone number of a good counselor. Trust me, I have stories and revelations and secrets that would set your hair on fire to read about, but I'm fine with how I've moved through them onto healthier planes of existence.

But then, I don't watch Oprah. Who got her start, btw, in Chicago. As did Phil Donahue. As did Bill Ayers. As did Obama. Gah. No wonder we feel the need to share TMI. We've been raised on it.

The Forgotten Allure of Mystery: Young ladies searching for commitment, this is for you, as an extension of the above thought, and for every woman who has been in a long term relationship. Don't give everything away in the first five minutes, or even the first five years of your time together. Don't reveal everything, ever. It's a forgotten art among women, to keep a few PLEASANT surprises just around the next corner of your relationship. Not just physically, but in wise and joyful things, too. Sure, the Internet is full of fantastical competition for his lazier thoughts, but the constant and engaging doubt that he hasn't seen it all still drives him back to the keyboard. Never let him think he's seen it all.

My challenge is to make my blog like that.

23 comments:

julie said...

Wait, what? People actually give you shit because you don't have your entire life drama barfed all over your blog? WTF? If they want that kind of thing, it's not like there aren't a few million places they can go.

Hell, that's why I generally stick to haiku on mine; I don't really want to talk about ME! all that much, and it would instantly become the most boring blog on the planet (and it's already pretty close, anyway). Or maybe insanely popular, but for all the wrong reasons.

As to the last bit, there's a reason that lingerie is popular. Oh, sweet mystery of life ;)

Joan of Argghh! said...

I figure if I can make my blog just one big fan dance...

C.S. Perry said...

Ah, Joan. You raise my...
Expectations.

Joan of Argghh! said...

I'm just sure all my girl blog buddies are gonna think I'm talking about them.

But I don't link to or read blogs like the ones I described.

Clay, I mostly make men raise their glasses. I'm much more ravishing when they're snockered.

pamibe said...

The One's long haul? Right on. He won't tip his hand at this point. Everyone waiting with bated breath must be seriously disappointed.

That will come later, when Gollum feels safer...

Anonymous said...

.... I'm having fishsticks for dinner.... I just thought you should know...

Eric

Joan of Argghh! said...

Whoa Eric!TMI, dude.

:o)

John Holton said...

I waited all day for your thoughts on civil unions etc., and I wasn't disappointed.

BTW, I also got my start in Chicago...

LauraB said...

Oh, the gay marriage thing...so brief and yet so wise.

No one sld have anything to say about anyone getting married but those getting hitched. Not the state, no one. The church? Well, if it is held there, yup. I detest how everyone just DEMANDS that they be GIVEN the right to this or that.

Long view? Bet your ass. Ayers has waited a very long time and don't you think for a moment that he isn't AMAZED at how easy it was. Of course, then there is the Muslim long game. Also known as the UK.

And the TMI sites? Oh, some are wonderful but then...some just become these magnifying glasses so that you can see really just how f'd up they are and why they need a blog - everyone else has had their fill of her shit. LOL

You consistently rock. In an impaired reading or no.

Joan of Argghh! said...

John, now I'm worried about you...
:o)

Laura, you rawk because you send me links to Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog on DVD.

I wish me a Merry Christmas,
I wish me a Merry Christmas,...

Velociman said...

Sorry. I just registered for residence in Tara: An Assisted Living Compound. I figure if I can pass for 70 I'll get a hot young 19 year old to stick her sweet ass in my face every day in an effort to degrade me. As if I can be degraded.

Yes, I know you get pink eye that way, but I'll take my chances.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Vman, you would likely make sure everyone who loves you disown you for just that opportunity.

Sounds like a sure way to get stink-eye at any rate.

:p

Wahrheit said...

Civil partnerships from the State and Marriage from the Church.

My position exactly. Would it be elitist of me to say that it's a position entirely too practical and rational to be adopted by most states? Wyoming, perhaps.

If it was restricted to two people, though, the next day someone would be in court to argue discrimination against those with "multiple partners." Especially when it comes to health insurance.

GUYK said...

Yeah, Joan, I agree and have went on record saying so several times...one of the reasons I now carry a pistol! Some of the hate mail I got from the right wing Christians was a bad as the hate mail I get from the Obama Kool Ade drinkers when I point out that he is one socialist sumbitch

But one thing the late acidman told me early on...if you can't take the heat get out of bloggin

and about those emotional flashers? don't read them much...but not some of those writing to be the king/queen of the defecation and gas bloggers..well, some are downright hilarious

Joan of Argghh! said...

Wahrheit, welcome! Anchorage and Wasilla are always sneaking in here to get warm. Glad you could make it.

No, not elitist of you at all. I'm suspecting you know a few good Wyoming jokes...

:o)

Gecko said...

"Or at least set one's feed reader to filter out any blog posts containing words like, menstrual, bloating, prostate, piles, pus, acne, or Michelle Obama."
Hahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

KeesKennis said...

I love furries to a point of distraction but I do not think they are humans. But then I am male.

dogette said...

Blogs. I read the ones I like, ignore the ones I don't. Easy peasy. Don't recall ever taking the time to get all up in a froth in blog comments about anything said in someone's blog post. It's just not a cure for cancer.

mushroom said...

I've considered starting a sort of Onion version of an Emo blog under what looks like a real name -- you know, Ernest Ancales, or something.

But then I wonder if that isn't what they all are.

wv: panitirb -- we're all shook up.

Kelly(Mom of 6) said...

I love coming here, Joan! I love how you tell it!

Here's how I differentiate...people that DO get it...just get it. You don't have to speak of it, really...you can acknowledge the truth in a word or two and have complete understanding with someone who gets it. The gory details are for those who don't ..and giving the gory details will never help those that don't...get it.

Irrelephant said...

I'm wondering what sort of readers you're gonna get with the "furries are people too" line. *wink*

I sometimes laugh at myself to realise how much I've NOT revealed on the blog. Oh, I have my moments, you know as well as any, m'dear, but honestly, the real deep down stuff? I save that for dancing around the bonfire nekkid...oh wait...

Joan of Argghh! said...

Dear Mr. I, I was wondering how long before someone noticed. heh. I put that line in there especially because I know my son will get it and will be embarrassed that his mom even knows about such a thing.

skippystalin said...

As always, I couldn't agree with Velociman man. if there's a better way to die than with two hot 19 year olds shoving things up my ass, I just don't know what it is.