Dec 10, 2008

Something to Gladden Your Heart

Some states are beginning to crack down on Left Lane Nannies.

To the tune of $124.

Oh, frabjous day! If I ever see a cop pull someone over for this, I swear I will stop and wait patiently for him to finish his rightful deed, and then shake his hand and thank him profusely for protecting the asshole from me. I have actually known people who were proud of their wanna-be-cop status of keeping the speed limit in the left lane.

Driving north on Highway 17 in the Low Country of South Carolina affords a particularly curious example of ass-holerly. It is a slow, tightly monitored no-passing two lane road, with 2-mile stretches of passing lanes. Signs EVERYWHERE say "stay right except to pass" and folks just mosey along, like they didn't wait 10 minutes for the opportunity to pass the car in front of them. They get into the left lane and block a mile-long tail of traffic behind them. Flash your lights, beep, nothing moves them. They should be dragged off and shot.

All traffic models agree that left-lane slow pokes cause accidents and backups. And going only the speed limit actually backs down the speed limit for cars behind you. The net effect is dangerous lane-changing and apoplexy and a path of emotional and physical destruction behind you. If you can live with that all in the name of the Almighty Speed Limit, then you are a small, small human being.

And a dumbass.


hoosierboy said...

jackasses from Michigan are convinced they are to drive in the left lane at all times.

Paul G said...

Don't tell anyone, but I actually try to pass people in the 'no-passing' part of that road. It's just easier.

My favorites are the people that you get stuck behind for what seems like an eternity, and you finally get your chance to pass them, and just as you're pulling even with them, they realize that they're going slow or else interpret your attempt to pass as a blow to their dignity, and accelerate to match your speed...

I need some sort of EMP weapon to disable other cars. Actually, a bazooka would probably be cheaper...

wv: adectlin - Do you suffer from road rage? Ask your doctor about double-prescription-strength Adectlin. Adectlin: Helping you not give a shit

Joan of Argghh! said...

Aw. That's my good son!

Don't tell anyone, but I do the same thing, just to shock the nannies.

I see we raised you right!


Betsy said...

Living in NE Florida this sort of thing happens a lot. I try to take a zen approach but that doesn't always work for me. Today I was behind a big 'ol Lincoln Continental, thought we were in a school zone... until we actually got to the school zone. 15 mph all the way down a 2 lane road.

Where can I get me some of that Adectlin? Sounds like just the thing.

PeggyU said...

Yes, but will they fine Canadians, I wonder? Our area's biggest problem with lane discipline comes from up north.

Velociman said...

I drove that stretch of 17 a million times, and feel your pain. Now I deal with the passing lanes on 441 from Milledgeville to Eatonton to Madison to Athens. Personally, I'd rather not sub this work out to the government. I'm fully capable of imposing a lasting solution on the perps. Hope, Change, and a .45.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Ugh. 441 in ANY state is just a headache and a half. WTF is up with that?

dogette said...

Paul G, what you said about the attempt to pass being "a blow to their dignity" made me laugh. SO TRUE.

Joanie, I've been trying something new. Instead of getting all road-ragey, I sit there and CRUSH THEIR HEADS a la those old Kids In The Hall sketches with the Head Crusher. I hope you know what I mean. You Tube. Anyway, I crush their heads with my hand sort of on the steering wheel. You can still see them in front of you and the road and everything, and while you're crushing their heads you have to just KEEP SAYING "I'm crushing your HEAD!" over and over and over. Of course they have no idea what you're doing back there. All they see is maybe a driver making small index finger to thumb hand motions. Unless they've seen a lot of Kids In The Hall, they DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU'RE CRUSHING THEIR HEADS. That's the beauty of it right there.

OK, I've gone and overshared again.

GUYK said...

what ya need is one of those air horns like they put on the 18 wheelers. You drive up to their back bumper and pull the chain and just blow them back into the right lane.

On the autobans in Germany driving such might get a big white Mercedes tapping you rear bumper

diamond dave said...

Worse yet are the people who move to the left to pass someone slower, and then take AN ETERNITY to overtake the other vehicle and move back over so others can pass too! Don't these people know what "pass" means? It means MOVE YOUR ARSE, DAMMITT!

Many occasions where I've just set my cruise a little lower and hung out in the right lane to let all the wolfpacks go past me. Nothing I hate worse than being trapped in a left lane jam where the people up front won't move over and the people behind are trying to park in your trunk.

Teresa said...

About 15 years ago there was a cop in the western burbs of Chicago who gave an old lady a ticket. She was on a 2 lane road with a 55mph speed limit and she was driving 22mph.

She had a line of traffic over a mile long behind her. It made the front page of the local paper. She was OUTRAGED. She claimed she was being a "safe driver" because she was looking for her turning and didn't want to pass it.

Everyone else was cheering though. Idiots like that should not have a license. It should be immediately rescinded.

Here in MA - I give up. Everyone drives like a moron. Stop signs are suggestions, people enter a 65mph highway going 25mph and all manner of dangerous crap. During the recent power outage - apparently not a single motorist in the state had learned the simple driving rule... when the stop lights are out - it's a 4 way stop!!! It's scary I tell you.