Jan 27, 2009

Can't Put My Finger On It

I'm not one in a million, but I AM one in about 500.

Electronic fingerprinting will not verify my prints from finger to finger-roll. Thirty minutes, sixty attempts, re-matching, wet fingers, dry fingers, press hard, press lightly, get two other experts to try. Nada.

No, I'm not gonna be a prison guard, Jean! I'm going to be doing the dangerous work of insurance. Again. I try to escape it, but it keeps dragging me back into its clutches. I'm going to make my peace with it, however, and hunker down and pass the State Exam in a few days. If you haven't seen me around at your blog, know that I'm thinking of ya'll, but just slammed with too much of life happening all at once.

Meantime, I'm guessing I won't need gloves for my next heist, huh? I'l like to see an O.J. jury convict me. If the prints don't fit on a dedicated scanner, what hope for a smudge or careless mark left as I grab a handful of diamonds? Reasonable doubt? After watching a stupid machine remain unable to verify what three sets of eyes have watched sixty times, I'd be a bit skeptical about electronic fingerprint evidence.

Just sayin'...

11 comments:

julie said...

We're thinking of you, too, Joan! I'll throw a couple extra prayers your way, that this job will be just what you need.

Re. the fingerprints, I find that both funny and vaguely alarming. But it would come in handy if you were considering a career as a cat burglar.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, I had the same issues for finger print requirements for real estate agents. They finally gave up and said my hands were just "old". Well, you can imagine how that made me feel. The real estate commission accepted them anyway.
Texas Crone

Joan of Argghh! said...

I'm thinking it was the guitar callouses on my left hand and the scars and burns and ...

Sam said...

Many many years ago I was fingerprinted...not under the best of circumstances. When the fingerprinter left the room for a moment...I swapped mine for a set I saw in his open drawer. No photo on the print sheet...it was a long time ago. Never heard a word. I still have the originals, which I placed inside my shirt.

Who am I? Anyway, I can't believe I got away with that.

Paul said...

Working in a kitchen, I'd guess my fingerprints change on at least a monthly basis from burns and cuts and callouses. I've often thought that would make me an excellent candidate for a life of crime, but I just don't think it would be as exciting as cooking for a living...

wv: calacoch - Is /that/ what Oprah is calling it these days?

Irrelephant said...

And here I thought you were going to delve into some sordid tale about your fingers and what they've been up to that so easily fiddles about with your prints. *sigh* Ah well. Back to Stucco's blog and the seven deadly sins picture.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Yea me!!

I just completed a preliminary 40 hour online course in 20 hours, took a 2.5 hour test in 75 minutes and scored a respectable 85% which I just now finished at 10:45 p.m.

I can sleep now. zzz....

Next up: more cram for the State Exam

Jean said...

Congratulations, Joan!!



wv: ansemo

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Congrats, Joan!
Let me know if you sell Double Indemnity.

Teresa said...

I have a fingerprint encrypted USB key. It never works with my fingerprint no matter how often I try to set it. I always end up using the password. *sigh*

Good luck on the State test!

jwm said...

Hope the job hunt is fruitful, Joan. I've been printed twice. Once, with ink and paper back in the eighties to get my teaching credential, and more recently with the electronic digital computerized and hooked into the ciadhsdeafbi on line internet world wide web crime fighting terrorist preventing live scan system, so I could work as a part-time janitor. The godamn thing kept lighting up with a positive match signal of some sort, and I was sure I was headed for the Big House on a bum rap that I didn't do. The gal doing the printing was about as jovial as an aligator lizard, but not quite so talkative. She let me walk. That made me happy.

JWM