Feb 26, 2009

How I Spent 45 Minutes on Your Blog

Dear Blog Owner,

I know your site meter showed me lolling about your web site for almost an hour with only two page views and one outclick to show for it. Just so you don't think I'm a slow moron, or that you're all that fascinating, let me give you an idea of just what happens while I'm surfing the awesomeness that is your blog:

  • I've opened about 15 tabs on Firefox and yours is last.
  • I was riveted by your latest wart-removal story, really, but then the dog needed to go out.
  • While breathlessly perusing your diatribe about your work, I had the sudden urge to go out and buy a Lotto ticket.
  • The news and commentary on your site gave me apoplexy. I recovered 42 minutes later and moved on. I'm sure it was due to a misplaced apostrophe.
  • Your post was brilliant! I started a post about your post, which lead to more research and other links and then splintered off into a full-blown rant which is still sitting in my "drafts" moulder-folder. Then, it was time to start dinner...
  • Gawd, your stuff is funny! It leads to other funny YouTube stuff. Soon, I am an expert on ditch-surfing behind a pickup truck.
  • Your links led me to more interesting sites and I forgot to come back and close the tab on your blog. I may have deleted you altogether, I don't remember. Nah. You're still cool.
  • The scary clown on your site triggered a latent, suppressed memory and the next 44 minutes were spent on the phone with my therapist.
  • My job keeps interrupting.


leeann said...

Everyone should ditchsurf sometime in their life.
And you can linger in my ditch all you please. There will be cookies served later.

julie said...

Those excuses sound familiar; pretty much every day, at some point I wander away from the computer with a tab or two open, only to return 30 or 40 minutes later and think, "Man, they must wonder about me..."

mushroom said...

I have never ditch surfed behind a pickup, only a 4-wheeler.

The four-hour guys with firefox that don't close the tab I understand perfectly. I do that all the time. It's the 0 second hits I wonder about. Did they think I was insane and that it might be contagious? Or was it more like, "Damn, no p0nr."

Ricky Raccoon said...

At lunchtime I flip my laptop around and use the screen as a placemat so my desk doesn’t barbeque sauce on it.
Doesn’t everybody?

Ricky Raccoon said...

Hey there’s a blog under here!

wv: spoop (are you kiddin me?!)

Joan of Argghh! said...

Ricky, lunch blogging about bar-b-que can incite a nasty discussion of vinegar v. mustard v. tomato based sauces.

Ricky Raccoon said...

At first I thought I got some spoop on here but nope you spelled barbeque wrong.
Jus sayin’


Ted said...

I thought everybody liked clowns?

joated said...

Why do I feel guilty when I leave a window open on a blog while I go answer the door for UPS and then have to chase the cat down the steps and around the house? Or end up on the phone with a friend/relative for half an hour?
(I like some of your reasons far, far more than my own.)

Why do I feel like I'm cheating someone?

Irrelephant said...

Until you mentioned the clown I was terrified you were talking about MY blog. *grin* I know, however, that in most instances I'm read in more of a "minute man" speed.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Ha ha! Excellent!