Mar 19, 2009


I can make my disagreeable job palatable when I think on the variety of folks I get to meet, last Tuesday taking the prize for Best in Show. From a morning appointment with third-generation shrimpers-- white trash marsh-dwellers who were doing their best to prove a foil to Darwinism by simple refusal to evolve-- to a beautiful young black woman and her three adorable kids in a pin-neat home by the river. Said young lady was engaged in conversation with my cohort, and I was left to be entertained by her best friend who had joined us in the living room.

Some question was posed about life matters, as per the script, and our hostess answered according to one of her fears of heights. Her gal pal had to look at me with a serious deadpan expression and state her fear of...


Midgets? WTF?

"Oh, I run screaming from them! Can't go to Disney World. If I see them in a store, I turn around and run for the door. Oh no. Not a midget. Not even in the movies! Oh Lord, don't let a midget touch me! No sir!"

Whatever do you think will happen if one touches you? my insatiable curiosity asked.

"I don't ever aim to find out. No sir. Not a midget. Remember that movie, I'm Gonna Get You, Sucka?

And there, all cultural cohesion and hope for common ground was lost as I had to admit that I had missed that cult classic.

But you can bet it's in my Netflix queue.


Sal said...

We can't talk- my daughter has the same phobia. It mortifies her- I mean, they're people, not snakes or airplanes. But she cannot help it.
We had to do movie 'midget alerts' for her. Forget the flying monkeys- she couldn't watch the Munchkins. The after party of one prom was in a hotel that was hosting a Little People's convention. Her date had to carry her through the lobby.

She has not, to my knowlege, run screaming from them, so I guess that's a point in her favor.

pamibe said...

I've never seen 'I'm gonna git you sucka', either. Maybe I shouldn't, if a screaming midget phobia is part of the package.

Edward said...

Well, Joan,

You have now met someone with



Next you might meet someone who lives in Sarasota and has


Mike Wilson said...

You're in for a treat.

a midget phobia is unfortunate, but I sort of understand it. It really screws with your sense of proportion. Your mind needs things to make a certain amount of sense and when your definition of 'person' gets upended, well... that's gonna be unsettling.

Of course an adult ought to be able to go through a "woah! what the... oh, ok" process.

julie said...

You've never seen that movie? It is absolutely a cult classic, right up there near Amazon Women on the Moon and Airplane.

Robin Starfish said...

I'm gonna use that technique the next time mormon missionaries come to the door.

Velociman said...

Too bad you didn't have Meinhardt Rabbe hidden in your briefcase.

PeggyU said...

I was thinking about the dwarf in Foul Play.

Irrelephant said...

Wow, that's wonderfully weird!

Skully said...

Hi hoooooo!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Under The Rainbow is another excellent, little person flick that has Billy Bart, Chevy Chase and Carrie Fischer.
Very funny, and more little people than any film I ever watched.

BTW, Billy Bart plays a nazi (but it's not a small part).
Yes, little people can torture and kill too. Who knew?

Hammer said...

Gonna git you sucka is a homage to all the blaxploition films of the 70s.

It's one of those things the some people think are funny and others just scratch their head at.

Omnibus Driver said...

OMG! She's the anti-Zonker! (Get him to tell you the story about chasing one through an airport...)

CastoCreations said...

Okay that is just hilarious. And the comments have me crying with laughter.