Mar 8, 2009

You Know You're From Florida if...

Socks are only for bowling.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
Your winter coat is made of denim.
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
Anything under 70 is chilly.
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a funeral.
You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
You could swim before you could read.
You have to drive north to get to The South.
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
You dread lovebug season.
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances... but Charley , Frances , Ivan and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.
You know why flamingos are pink.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.
"Down South" means Key West.
"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.
You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
Flip-flops are everyday wear.
Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it's Easter or Christmas.
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and February.
It's not soda, cola, or pop. it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, "What kinda coke you want?"
Anything under 95 is just warm.
You've hosted a hurricane party.
You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, Nascar and Go Gators.
You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.
You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
You get angry when people say " Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH."
You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
You know what the "stingray shuffle" is, and why it's important!
You recognize Miami-Dade as " Northern Cuba ".
It's a perfect 72 degrees outside, but you run the A/C just to keep mildew from growing on your shoes.

(Borrowed, like a cup of sugar for the sweet tea, from Theo Spark, who is NSFW.)


pamibe said...

Thank goodness I can't pronounce all those words!

Can I go back to Texas yet? NO, the answer is no. ;-D

leeann said...

Those are so similar to where I live I'm tempted to do my own list. Mine would likely have more fruits and nuts/ earthquake/ illegals in the backyard items, though. Oh, and WalMars.

PS..word verification was "goddle"- how fat deities walk.

julie said...

A lot of these describe Arizona, too.

Anonymous said...

Dear Joan,

I know all but the "shuffle", but I left Florida in 1964.

Blame me for the Lex launch.

And what happened to the picture of the Bridge of Lions in St. Augustine that you used to use. I spent many a day as a child fishing from its support piers, and still remember the St. Augustine sulfur water that could only be drunk if chilled in the refrigerator.

Joan of Argghh! said...

You slide your feet through the rop of the sand carefully to avoid stingrays in the shallows! At least I do.

That pic of mine is still on the original post, found on my profile page. I no longer live in that little pirate town, either. I'd like to say I miss it, but I mostly just miss the beach! The crappy food and dreadful college brats and villainous city leaders was all a bit much.

The Gunslinger said...

Joan, my sister, also a California native and resident, was just talking about Sweet Tea last week, from her trip to The South.

What the heck is it? Besides, you know, tea with sugar in it...

She loved it, by the way.

Edward said...


I spent most of my grade school through high school years in Orlando. Last year I gave a paper at a conference there, allowing me to see that city for the first time since 1964.

To say that it was changed is an incredible understatement.

There were some areas that remained unchanged, however. After all, I saw the fountain in Lake Eola being built when I attended Memorial Jr High (no longer in existence).

I also remember miles of Atlantic coastline beaches that you could walk, without seeing anybody else and no buildings. Surf casting was my favorite. And I went blue crab fishing in the St. Augustine shoreline near that bridge with nothing but an old metal fishing pole (no line or hook) and a bucket.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Gunslinger: Sweet Tea is an Institution to be revered. It's not just tea with sugar in it, it's how it is made. A good Southerner never allows tea to boil, only steep, while the awaiting pitcher is provided with water, and the sugar already dissolving into the water.

The steeped tea is then poured into the pitcher and stirred. If it's sweeter than yo' own sure'nuff momma, it's just right.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Edward, my SiL still goes crabbing at that same spot. She makes awesome crab cakes!

Edward said...


Does your SiL put the crabs in a pot of cold water, secure the lid and then bring up the heat...


does she bring the water to a boil first and then drops them in?

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Heh, good 'uns, Joan!

Irrelephant said...

I'm glad you know how to make a pitcher of sweet tea, Joan. Just confirms a lot of what I hoped about you. *lol*

It's funny how that fits Louisiana awfully well, too, right down to the old people and the alligators. Just stir in some French cuisine and NOLA and you've got it.

LauraB said...

AH, know, there are some who like the Piggly Wiggly and there are some who are die hard Kroger fans.

For me Publix is the best at taking care of the customer. What sucks is they haven't come to Texas. I've begged them. Some little lady just thanks me for my suggestion.

I don't think they understand the magnitude of the need in this state for a good grocer...

Velociman said...

You forgot: You know you're from Florida when you wake up with your face planted in the beach sand and an empty Wild Turkey bottle next to you on a Wednesday morning, and you realize you have to give an important presentation at work in 35 minutes.

Or, maybe not. Seems this happened to me a few times in Savannah and Charleston, too. So could just be me.

Sam said...

Joanie...don't talk about tea like're making me weak in the knees.

Betsy said...

As a NE Florida native born to Yankee parents I can attest to about 90% of the list personally and the remaining 10% vicariously living through my friends growing up. Although during this past winter I was beginning to wonder what with the nasty cold weather that didn't seem to want to go away. But today the sun is shining, the azaleas have busted out all over and my backyard "garden of eatin'" is filled with all manner of tasty things sprouting up. Thank you God for planting me here.

Verification word - pecteria. Something to do with guy-gawking at the gym perhaps? "She let her eyes feast on the pecteria display across the gym as she heightened her pace on the elliptical..."

Paul said...

If you're still wondering, THIS is why the 'stingray shuffle' is important. Don't want to step on one of those guys, much better to bump into their sides, they'll just swim away instead of spearing your leg.

Xul said...

The Miami-Dade as Northern Cuba should be updated to Northern Jamaica or Northern Haiti. And the few remaining native South Floridians still call it "Dade."