Oct 2, 2009

Caffeine Means You Can't STFU

Never in all my born days have I encountered the non-stop caffeinated patter that is afflicting so many people around me. I work a hard, grueling job with folks who feel the need to drink Monster and Red Bull and Starbucks products just to keep going. Even the guys can't STFU and I'm thinking it's a bad trend.

We're talking a fargin' stream-of-consciousness that runs shallow and fast over every little synapse that crosses its path, creating roaring rapids of . . . noise.

Add to that mix the fact that some of my co-workers are also Alpha perfectionists. What this means is that the combination of neuroses is presented out loud all day long to the Ether, or you; endless listings of what has been done, needs to be done, should have been done. Non-stop chatter, verbal pushing, verbal anxiety.

These are folks with whom you can have no real conversation because it would mean that their brain has to shift gears into a receptive mode, or at least a dynamic 360 mode of thought, and caffeine will simply have none of it. It drives and pushes and channels narrowly down the canyons of the day with a singular focus on whatever is pushing the poor, harrassed soul from within.

A word in edgewise is an impossibility. Any attempt at casual observations is overrun like an Obama staffer under a bus; I am left to never have actually gotten an idea across because the caffeinated conversation simply cannot consider any Other outside of its prime objective: to drive its poor host until it drops from exhaustion. My poor co-hort, just half a year younger than I, spends most of the day in this mode of incessant buzzing, and when not pushing she is always saying, "I am so tired." I am almost afraid for her health, but she is proud of her love for Sbux and carbohydrates-- and it has taken me more than three months to finally have a conversation where she'll let me speak, but it's only because she's the one asking questions.

Just when I'm finding my stride amongst all this insanity, I am leaving it for Charleston, SC.

More on that, later.


julie said...

That sounds like my idea of hell. Well, maybe purgatory anyway.

So Charleston? I hope it's a good move!

Francis W. Porretto said...

"I am left to never have actually gotten an idea across because the caffeinated conversation simply cannot consider any Other outside of its prime objective: to drive its poor host until it drops from exhaustion."

I recommend the Calvin Coolidge approach: dead silence. It might take your verbal assailant a few minutes to notice that you're not responding, but eventually anyone treated so will become embarrassed at his diarrhea of the jawbone, run down, and slink away.

Anonymous said...

I don't drink coffee, or tea, energy drinks or anything caffinated. And I'm not a Mormon. I just don't like those drinks. I know exactly what you mean about the constant chatter and the crashes around you. But what's really weird is I get like that around them too! It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers except without any pods to clean up.

patti said...

Doesn't the Pepper Dog live in Charleston? :)

Jean said...

Are you moving? as in... MOVING?

Doux said...


Start an emblematic symbolism campaign. I made so many folks happy when I started mine and did STFU! heh! Of course, when you find an amper, caffeine junkie, buller, processed sugar freak, AADHD'er, alcoholic/recovering alcoholic, who is either funny, a mile wide - inch deep, has ample GK quotient or combination thereof,can do a lot for having suffered the wiitarded. heh heh heh

Carolinas huh? Way I understand it, economic disaster areas rivaling any Blue State(D), major metropolitan area North of the Mason-Dixon. That said, get there, do your magic, re-trench, entrench, no where to go but up. You'll land soft. Your skill sets never let you down. Besides, your Son and of course the dawg are there, anxiously awaiting your arrival. ;~)

douxsolutions gratis consult. You did get the billing notices from the not so free ones? I checked and you're only 72 months over due. heh xo

pamibe said...

That has to be a staggering mission of a job. Just listening to the mumbling humanity would drive me batty.

Gypsy blood up or just a visit? Either one, safe journey!

Velociman said...

Speaking of STFU, you'll like Chucktown. I lived there a couple of years and enjoyed it. Just make sure you live in Mt. Pleasant. Not because it's better than other parts, but because everyone who lives there won't STFU about how you should have moved there. It's all they talk about.