Oct 28, 2009

Enemies List

I will not pretend to understand why someone with literally the most power in the world feels the need for a list of enemies when it's pretty well understood by most people that very few people are your friends.

Right off the top of my head, here at my table in a new city I can conjure up enough paranoia to qualify me for a job in the White House myself. My list, just for this morning includes:

The crack/meth dealers product distributors across the street and their mules sales associates buzzing up and down the street on razor scooters, their middlemen customer service personnel standing on the corner a half-block away directing traffic and working the cell-phones; along with the late-night "discreet" horn beeps by the middle-class drive thru customers.

And the city official who was likely paid off after he put up a city-official-looking road sign two streets over, warning ne'er-do-wells that this is a drug-free commerce-free zone.

My various neighbors, who are sweet as sugar, god-fearin', church-goin' folks who will never.ever.report their drug dealing multi-level marketing neighbor and will sigh tiredly when their children at last fall in with them. Well, they're not my enemies, but they sure aren't my friends.

The pile of rotting trash that has been left to sit and stink and breed flies in front of the meth lab self-employed distribution business, because the men there are too stupid/lazy to figure out how to get the city to pick it up. Maybe after two full weeks they'll get a clue and pick it up and put it in the wheelie-bin. Or not. Maybe the cops will get wind of that. . . wouldn't that be funny, to be busted for being a slob instead of a dealer of death product distributor?

The entire Congress of the United States. If they're making new laws, they sure aren't my friend, no matter what party they belong to.

People who tailgate in the right-hand lane on a busy street full of stop lights where it's impossible to go any faster than 30 mph. Seems to be another boundary issue here.

The person in Minneapolis that is looking up my IP addy on WhoIs. Minneapolis is another Obama outpost, along with St. Louis, so even if it is benign, I like to err on the side of paranoia.

People with the flu who leave their house.

Customers who hold their credit card in their mouth and then hand it to me.

The person in the FTC in D.C. that is googling up images of Ann Margaret. I don't care what the reason. In fact, any D.C. hit on the site meter is immediately relegated to "suspicious".

The person in Iran that is googling up, "I'm sick of women". Pretty sure that can't be good.


Note: I just made up all of this. None of it is true. There's nothing to see here on my street. Nothing.at.all. Nope. All of my neighbors are good, decent, law-abiding citizens (unlike those folks two streets over who attracted no less than seven cop cars, police tape, social workers and crime-scene investigators just last Saturday, or the Econo Lodge just over a mile from here that was being used as a meth lab) and this post was just created for humor and entertainment purposes only. See category label, "fun stuff"! See disclaimer at bottom of blog.


Dubya Bee said...

My temptation with crack houses has always been to encourage a happy reunion between the carbon content of the building with the friendly oxygen molecules of the atmosphere.

pamibe said...

Are they filming a new season of Weeds over there?

dogette said...

The other night some asshole passed us for the sole strategical advantage he would gain: that of tailgating the car ahead of us even sooner! You have to wonder.

joated said...

"...wouldn't that be funny, to be busted for being a slob instead of a dealer of death product distributor?"

Which of the Chicago mobsters did they get for tax evasion again? Oh, yeah, Al Capone. Could start calling such circuitous routes to prison time as the Capone Way.

Velociman said...

I'm with Dubya Bee. The hard part with arson is making it look like an accident. The easy part is not caring if they know it's arson. Just covering your own butt.
That's community organizing.

ZZMike said...

Dang!! Here I was all fixin' to give you a big helping of deep-fried sympathy.

Well, some folks say that boring ain't bad, considering the other possibilities.

Joan of Argghh! said...

LOL at, "community organizing"!

And Joated, yeah, I was thinking of exactly that route. Maybe I should fink on them by way of alerting the IRS. Even better than spontaneous combustion.