Mar 9, 2010

I Woke Up In a Tub Of Ice and Discovered My Fat Ass Was Gone!!

Peruvian fat fetches five figures, apparently. And people will kill you to get it. Why? Why would this happen?

There's more fat sucked outta Southern California women in a day than these hare-brained murderers could dream, but they had a plan:


He said the suspects, two of whom were arrested carrying bottles of liquid fat, told the police it was worth $60,000 a gallon.

Now, come to think of it, I have a plan, too. Liposuction costs way less than 60k a gallon. And usually nobody has to die.

Surely the cosmetic trade could use someone with the skills to help the supply meet the demand for considerably less. Or are California's plastic surgeons already subsidizing their profits with a little back-room deal for the back-fat? Y'know . . .

I see a whole industry utopia here. We have too much fat, and we pay dearly to rid ourselves of it while there in Peru they're killing people in the most gruesome way for a few gallons. Hello? It's silly and makes no sense, especially when folks would line up to sell their liposuctioned ass-fat on a free market to offset the expense. Might even solve the trade deficit if we can get China to manufacture these cosmetics and sell them our fat. Then they could sell the cosmetics to Wal-Mart. It's recycling at an optimal incentive. It would work.

I don't know much about European demand for this resource. Is it that maybe Peruvian fat is preferred for its organic qualities? Corn cakes and beans and llama milk--could be. Who'd wanna put cosmetics on their face or in their hair knowing its genesis was Krispy Kremes and Grand Slams?

5 comments:

leeann said...

It's a Peruvian Fight Club.

mushroom said...

Fat and Trade

Blubber Offsets

Speculating in Lipid Derivatives

Trading Lardasses instead of porkbellies on the Chicago Board of Trade

Joan of Argghh! said...

I know! The possibilities are endless and I have so little time to blog and write, but there's a movie in here somewhere.

patti said...

You are a genius! And I'll happily be first in line for the free lipo - keep the fat market. As long as it is that laser lipo, the other kind is just too violent for me.

pamibe said...

Not traveling to Peru any time soon.