Jun 15, 2010

Stream of Semi-Consciousness

So some of you fessed up to never having anything in draft form for publication, but you just "put it out there, stream of consciousness."

However, being the smallest of eight kids has left me with an inevitable reticence to just spout things and await the avalanche of naysaying comments, derision, scoffing and torment.

And like you, my mind ain't right-- and nobody needs to see it naked.

But if I did drop another fan in my dance, it might look like this:

Man, the 8'oclock drivers are way better than the government worker and lawyer 9'oclock drivers. They are faster, more focused and know what lane they want. I've always maintained that who we really are is who we are when alone in our car. Me, I'm a director: "You there! You are too timid to be out on the streets at this hour!! Go home and collect yourself, sir, and come back when the soccer moms are out and about yammering on their phones and ignoring back-seat demon-spawn. That would be more your speed!"

If a town could be measured in assholery by the sheer number of BMWs on its streets, Charleston takes the prize. If a town could be measured for pretentiousness by the number of bow-ties and seersucker (I LOVE that word!) suits, Chucktown would take the prize just as soon as it can stop looking at itself in the mirror. South Carolina men all sound a bit gay as they lisp through their drawling take on the English language. That's why all the NASCAR guys sound so gay. It really is how most men around here talk. Like Nicki Haley's accuser with the bad rug and lisping drawl. . . just. . . no.

Dear sweet Lord, it's only a blog, not a Statement of Intent for Life Itself. Some bloggers get all sniffy about disclaimers and comments and rules and etiquette about never changing or editing content or comments or whatever stick-up-the-ass thing they can conjure. And it's not the basic "please don't sue me" paranoia we all feel at times, but it's the "my words are my sacred bond with the Internet. I value them more than life itself. I will ever be true to this medium and promise never to sully it with late, unannotated edits, fits of pissiness and deleted comments. All corrections will be a remorseful acknowledgment of my failure as a human encyclopedia and will be duly noted with parenthetical, pathetic attempts at integrity." Feh.

What the Hell was that sound? It sounds like someone sledgehammered the wall. Crap! That's the third garden hose in a month that has exploded from the water pressure. Charleston Public Works has got the whole water pressure situation nicely arranged. While it does concern me about hoses and my inability to remember to turn off the spigot, it does make for wonderful showers in the morning.

I have been late for work because of trying to write and publish before I could look it over. I have very little time to write and when I do I type furiously and madly, like now at 8:45 a.m. while running outside to stem the gushing tide of water threatening to was my Apocalypse ride into the side trenches of the yard. Yes, trenches for rainfall runoff. And open trenches along the street where drunks routinely miss their driveway at 3:00 a.m. The gravel business in Chucktown is where the money is at because this neighborhood is so old that trenches seemed a good idea to the town fathers of engineering.

And while I'm at it, I was still considering last night, upon my pillow, that we think we're all so civilized or not based on who threatens, or helps, or supports or denies or politely asks or demands whatever of whomever. But the Whole Truth, the Abiding Principle of Civilization is Water and Sewage Management. I was serious about this way back when I first started this blog and have seen precious little out there to disabuse me of this view. We could live quite handily for quite a while without electricity, but the plumbing and water logistic is the back-breaker, the last, tenuous hold on civic order. Come what may, without sanitary input and disposal of life's most basic need, we're all animals.

And if everybody is "okay," you, me, bi-polar bears, communists, transgendereds, anti-Semites and the terrorists, (but NOT Christians!! fuck them) then why do we still have psychiatrists? Is the "science" settled to a point where everything is permissible, understandable, and perfectly reasonable or at least blame-shiftable? If so, why do we have prisons? Or cops? Or judges?

And now I'm late for work.


Holder said...

I wish I was smart and wordy....but I agree with you on the water issues....

leeann said...

I have a nice piles of drafts saved up for the days the well is dry. Although most of them were written kind of stream of consciousnessy, or in a frenzy of OMG I can't believe this shit, let me get it down and grammardevil take the hindmost.
I guess I ought to have a disclaimer, but in my case it would be a warning that I have very little internal censor and no problems saying fuck as much as I possibly can. Fuck. See there?
And now I have to watch Nascar at least once, to hear the queen accent.

Anonymous said...

I have very little time to write and I have no drafts. I also edit after publishing if I feel like it or leave my mistakes there (Who cares? Oh yeah, badgers, nevermind), moderate comments, and do whatever suits my fancy. People do take blogging way too serious. They need to chill the fuck out.

Columbia water pressure has weakened. It must all be going to Charleston. Damn. Give us back our water pressure. We'll give you Andre Bauer.

PeggyU said...

I wish I had your way with words! I would agree with you about water/sewer issues. Nothing is more of a pisser than a backed up toilet, a busted frozen pipe, or an incontinent dishwasher. Today I have water coming at me from overhead (roof leak). Roofer should be here any time, but I'm not too happy with this start to the day.

f/zero said...

Grown men that still wear bow ties? For real? That I gotta see someday.

WV says this was the fumest you've been for awhile. Keep at it.

John Venlet said...

Joan, your extemporaneous morning musing made my day. Was it coffee fueled?

I have no blog drafts, but piles of dead tree drafts, but those are not for the blog.

Unquestionably, extemporaneous posting has its risks, but when the blog posting material selection is so foolish, and vast, well, extemporanous thinking carries the day.

Sorry you were late for work.

P.S. This comment took longer to write than some of my posts. Sheesh.

Francis W. Porretto said...

Joan, my secret love, you're in great danger. You might have only this one chance to get out, so listen very carefully.

Kick back.
Have a couple.
Contemplate the Objectivist vs. Fabulist controversy. Not for too long.
Then have a couple more.
Life is too obviously absurd to be so serious.

All my best,

mushroom said...

I used to work for a little guy who wore a suit and bowtie to work everyday, even when we came in on Saturdays. I'd walk in the door in the morning with my sleeves rolled up, my top shirt button undone (not that I ever had a shirt that would actually button around my neck anyway), and my tie loose. I'd be swilling coffee from anything that would hold it. Barry would be working all day with his jacket on and occasionally sipping tea from a beautiful china cup with one of those little matching covers on it.

No, he wasn't gay, but he was a heck of a programmer.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Let's see. . .

Holder, you're plenty smart when you're not doped up on pain medicine.Nice to see you out and about!

LeeAnn, "devil take hindmost" is an expression that has been missing from the Internet and it has been sorely missed.

Laura, if Chucktown is downhill from you, just remember that shit flows downhill as well, so A. Bauer will likely be here any day.

PeggyU, hang in there. It's not like it's never NOT raining where you live.

DoJo, you have no idea about the patriarchal, good ol' boy network here. It's truly a marvel.

John, just two cups of coffee. No other artificial stimulants involved.

Fran, this is why I drink before the rare times when I write in the evenings. I've been shielding everyone from my A-type personality disorder as much as possible. I really am getting better. Wait. I'm not sure. The Slack is a reminder to me that the world turns quite nicely without my direction.

'shroom, that is a story that needs writing!

Meanwhile, there's a tree down in my backyard. Chucktown is unhappy with my assessments.

CGHill said...

I remember one July in Chucktown when there was something like 23 inches of rain. (Had to be in the middle 1960s.) The streets out in our little unincorporated zone - North Charleston has since annexed it - consisted of blacktop overlaid with about five inches of water. We'd rip boards off dilapidated outbuildings and go surfing through the neighborhood, and damn the risk of disease.

And yes, there were trenches for rainfall runoff. They were full and then some. Hence the water in the actual streets.

PeggyU said...

Ok, so the roofer came and went. This was the second time. It has developed a leak in the same place twice. This time he brought a friend, and they remarked openly on some of the "errors" the previous roofer made. I found that odd, considering these guys work for the same company, and our warranty specifically says there is a life-time guarantee against defects in workmanship. I guess I'd better get used to the idea of having people on the roof, because I'll be damned if we're paying for a new one so soon! Not unless they are wanting to replace it for free, that is.

So one hole stopped up, at least temporarily. Then the middle boy comes a'screaming out of his room because there's something running around his bedroom floor. It followed him out into the hallway. A mouse! It stared at me for a couple of seconds before it ducked under the closet door. Shit. I hope the cats brought it in, and it didn't come in on its own. Worthless cats!

sheri said...

I view my blog as entirely disposable, too. As you know.