Jul 4, 2010

Not Giving Up Without a Fight

All the nice and inspirational things posted already this morning were serving to make me maudlin; I'm not feeling the freedom. I guess today all I could muster was a dubiously patriotic pout.

Until LeeAnn smacked me up side th' haid with a big, bad ClueBat of Better Thinking [tm].

“A John Wayne movie,” I said. “That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it? We think war is a John Wayne movie. We think life is a John Wayne movie- with good guys and bad guys, as simple as that. Well, you know something, Mr. Limey Poofter? You’re right. And let me tell you who those bad guys are. They’re us. WE BE BAD.
“We’re the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. We’re three-quarters grizzly bear and two-thirds car wreck and descended from a stock market crash on our mother’s side. You take your Germany, France, and Spain, roll them all together and it wouldn’t give us room to park our cars. We’re the big boys, Jack, the original, giant, economy-sized, new and improved butt kickers of all time. When we snort coke in Houston, people lose their hats in Cap d’Antibes. And we’ve got an American Express card credit limit higher than your piss-ant metric numbers go.

“You say our country’s never been invaded? You’re right, little buddy. Because I’d like to see the needle-dicked foreigners who’d have the guts to try. We drink napalm to get our hearts started in the morning. A rape and a mugging is our way of saying ‘cheerio.’

Hell can’t hold our sock-hops. We walk taller, talk louder, spit further, fuck longer and buy more things than you know the names of. I’d rather be a junkie in a New York City jail than king, queen, and jack of all you Europeans. We eat little countries like this for breakfast and shit them out before lunch.”

P.J. O’Rourke, “Among the Euro-Weenies”


God Bless America, and the rest of the world can just step off.

4 comments:

LeeAnn said...

Glad I could help. :)

Teresa said...

I'm with you Joan. Best post of the day. LOL.

PeggyU said...

Now you need to go blow something up. :) For what it's worth, a box of sparklers bound together with duct tape makes a gratifying display.

Sheri said...

Good ole PJ.